The highest levels of accreditation and academic achievement carry little comfort to their keepers when senses deny them their tried and true logic. Seeking assistance in such endeavors would prove to only humor your audience. Consider such an absurd request from a “respected” figure and any bit of nonsense or conflict in reason would be received merely as comedic genius, complementing an impressive and otherwise stoic career. Simply an excursion into a foreign field, in this case, a dip into literary comedy, a stark contrast to your infallible objectivity and nothing more. Were it so easy.